I feel like I am stuck between happiness and utter despair. One moment I am on top of the world and the next I can't stop the tears leaking from my eyes. Even while at work, at my desk, with the glare of the computer beaming on my face.
Just feelings. Frustration. Anger. At myself. At everyone. At myself.
It’s like I need a shock to get me back to what I was before.
I need something to happen to get me back to life.
Like my old mixtapes that I spent hours collecting music for, planning the song order, and timing, so that the tape would end at the exact moment the song would.
Record. Stop. Rewind. Stop. Record.
Inevitably, one day the tape would get twisted and kinked. I would take a deep breath, pull it out and with my little fingers meticulously unravel the mess and iron out the kinks.
Then take my trusty bic pen and spin the tape back in. As though nothing had happened. Just like new.
I wish I could unravel the mess, and put myself back together again.
Although, come to think of it. If the tape gets twisted once, it’s bound to happen again and again.
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